Tuesday, December 4, 2012
There is nothing to forgive...
In the whole of my life, I don't believe I have faced so many personal challenges, in so short a time...so many ups and downs. And, somehow, through it all, I have managed to stay afloat.
What have I learned? I'm still trying to figure that out, but certainly there are things I can add to that list:
I have learned that pain is still pain, no matter the wrapper it comes in. I have learned that people will let you down, even if they don't mean to. I have learned that I'm stronger than I thought, weaker than I thought, and while more mature, overall, still a child inside, susceptible to things I'd rather not be susceptible to.
I have learned that dreams are just that. They come and they go. Some are worthy of pursuit, and others are not. I have learned that giving up on the realization of a dream is not a personal failure, but an acknowledgement that what I had hoped for is not within my reach.
I have learned that I want to be joyful and happy. I want to give love and kindness, even when such is not extended to me. I have learned that I can stand up for myself, without steam rolling others.
I have learned that I fall a lot, and I'm okay with it, so long as I get up, dust myself off, and move forward, even if I don't always know where I'm going.
I have learned that my life is complete, today, and needs nothing else. It is full enough to bring me joy, just as it is, and while I 'want' for many things, those desires do not control me, nor are they required for me to find joy in what surrounds me.
For me, that is the greatest gift of all, and when I'm hurting and struggling, as I am now, I will stand again; proud of myself, joyful, and in need of nothing. That is my gift to myself, a knowing that I will always be okay.