In my last post, I talked about fall. With low temperatures in the low 20s this week, there is really no question summer has taken leave, and with it, one of the most difficult periods of my life: losing Ty, or as we prefer to call him, "Bun".
I took my journey with him to my blog, and made it extremely public, including his physical pain, and my emotional pain. In doing so, I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about the people I know, as well. There are no judgments here, just a period of learning. It was a gift born of horrible tragedy.
I know I'm not the first person to love and lose a dog, and I never pretend to be. What I am is a girl compelled to give purpose to a loss so profound, by giving that loss some purpose, I gave myself a life line, a way to hold on...a way to move from one day to the next, freeing myself of anger.
I learned that I'm far stronger than I think I am. I learned that I have a support system outside the one I thought I had. I learned (more deeply) that there is no such thing as "just a dog".
I want to make my dog proud. I want him to look at me, smile, and know that his work is complete here, that he accomplished the goal he came to accomplish, and he did so completely.
I'm sure I will fall, and make mistakes, and I accept that. What I do know for certain is I am no longer without awareness of myself.
I'm grateful to you, Bun...things are, well, different, in a good way, because of you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for all your gifts. Thank you for always being here for me, to support me, to love me, and to remind me that I can do better, and do so because I am aware...because of you.
I love you...more than anyone will ever know, but you know. You always knew, and now I do, too.