I can go a day, or even two, and, while you are always present in my thoughts, I can feel sort of normal, then something happens, and it just takes me back, overwhelming me with sadness, and I hear myself say, "I miss you so much, Bun." Then the tears.
I just miss you, darn it. Everything about you. I want to pet you again. Smell your fur. I want to hear your beautiful voice, watch you wag your tail. I want to walk through the door, to those large and special greetings that were your signature. I want to hear your soulful howl, the one we could hear when we pulled into the garage, as you trumpeted our arrival. Yet, I know, even if I could experience all that, just one more day, it would still not be enough. It would never be enough.
I sit here, tears falling down my cheeks, and my heart aches for you. If time will heal my pain, I will need a lot of it...a very 'large' amount.
I know, wherever you are, light shines brighter than the brightest star. It just feels a little dim here today...
I love you, baby. With all my heart...
I can so relate Leslie. I still have so many days like that too. As I read your sweet words, my own tears fell like rain as that knife of pain stabbed again at my heart. Some day we will be able to think of them with joy and a smile. That is my hope for both of us.
ReplyDeletePatty
So painful, this human journey through the valley of tears. The best thing we can do is feel deeply everything we are feeling, so it can pass through us like a flowing river. This river is the source of all life, where we share our sorrows and our joy. And because it is always moving, we never stand at the same river twice. Feel. Trust the process. Learn to see with your heart. Then let go and rest easy. Be at peace.
ReplyDeleteSo painful, this human journey through the valley of tears. The best thing we can do is feel deeply everything we are feeling, so it can pass through us like a flowing river. This river is the source of all life, where we share our sorrows and our joy. And because it is always moving, we never stand at the same river twice. Feel. Trust the process. Learn to see with your heart. Then let go and rest easy. Be at peace.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, I know it is hard right now. And I know the pain can be wrenching. I wish you peace and hope that soon the pain lessens. Remember, Ty will always be with you. You will carry him and his spirit always in your heart.
ReplyDeleteCindy
You are going to appreciate all those lovely pictures you took of Ty and be smiling at them later on. I know how much it hurts to lose one of our fur kids but those special memories live forever and you have great photos that you will treasure. When it is so recent, it sometimes seems like you can turn around and see them at your feet or you expect them around when certain events happens. Sometimes things just trigger in your brain and you feel they are still there with you and then realize they are not and the floodgate opens with your tears. It will get better with time but Ty will live in your heart forever. That part will never go away. Hugs to you Leslie.
ReplyDeleteThank you, everyone. Most days I think of him with joy in my heart, because, really, that's who he was. But there are times when the 'knowing' comes, when I remember the physical connection is no longer there, and it hurts...a lot.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to love a dog like him, and not feel that. He was a part of who I would eventually become. He taught me so much. He inspired so much, not just for me, but for so many others. Not having him here physically, leaves a very, very large hole. Sometimes it just overwhelms me.