In my last post, I talked about fall. With low temperatures in the low 20s this week, there is really no question summer has taken leave, and with it, one of the most difficult periods of my life: losing Ty, or as we prefer to call him, "Bun".
I took my journey with him to my blog, and made it extremely public, including his physical pain, and my emotional pain. In doing so, I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about the people I know, as well. There are no judgments here, just a period of learning. It was a gift born of horrible tragedy.
I know I'm not the first person to love and lose a dog, and I never pretend to be. What I am is a girl compelled to give purpose to a loss so profound, by giving that loss some purpose, I gave myself a life line, a way to hold on...a way to move from one day to the next, freeing myself of anger.
I learned that I'm far stronger than I think I am. I learned that I have a support system outside the one I thought I had. I learned (more deeply) that there is no such thing as "just a dog".
I want to make my dog proud. I want him to look at me, smile, and know that his work is complete here, that he accomplished the goal he came to accomplish, and he did so completely.
I'm sure I will fall, and make mistakes, and I accept that. What I do know for certain is I am no longer without awareness of myself.
I'm grateful to you, Bun...things are, well, different, in a good way, because of you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for all your gifts. Thank you for always being here for me, to support me, to love me, and to remind me that I can do better, and do so because I am aware...because of you.
I love you...more than anyone will ever know, but you know. You always knew, and now I do, too.
Thank you for the beauty of your words, and the deep meaning layered within your blog. Everyone experiences loss in their own way; and of course, some losses are more profound than others. I admire your courage to walk through this time with your heart and eyes wide open, and to be willing to share the depths of your emotion. Your journey (and Ty's) helped more people than you will ever know. Love, always.
ReplyDeleteSo eloquently put as always. . .
ReplyDeleteHere's to fall and building new memories.
Jeannie
What a beautiful edition of your blog. Ty must have been quite a dog to love! I feel I know you better through your voyage with Ty this summer. You are a very special person. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnn, I did not realize the fullness of love, for and from Ty, until the end of his life, as we walked this path together, as we fought for him, and with him. It's not to say I didn't love him deeply, because I so very much did, but the depth of his purpose, and our love, reached a place I needed to come to, and that was so much deeper than I understood was possible. I needed him, his whole life, and his death, to get to this place. I don't really know how to convey that...
DeleteThe Sheltie that I have now reminds me of Ty. He is always there for me. With Rusty I have found Agility and a whole coterie of new friends. There is the boundless love that comes from him. He is and has taught me so much. I truly understand what you are saying! Ty was very lucky to have you in his life. Blessings to you and your very supportive and understanding husband.
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