Ty...

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." -- Red, Shawshank Redemption

To my beloved Ty:  We let you go, when we knew, without a doubt, you could not recover from the disease you fought so hard to overcome.  I was so unsure, so afraid to make the wrong choice, but the blood work was conclusive...you were completely unresponsive to treatment, and we had done all we could do.  You knew I wouldn't be able to let you go, if there was an unturned stone, or an unanswered question.  You removed all doubt.

I never lost hope, I never stopped fighting for you, always telling you that I would fight until you said "no more", and today you did.

My heart is shattered into a million pieces.  I do not know how to walk into my house, knowing you are not here.  I'm trying so hard to remember what your voice sounds like, how you feel, the way you look, with eyes so full of love.  How do I go on without that?  I guess I just figure it out, because no other way would honor your memory in the way it should be honored.

I shared your story, not for me, but for you.  I wanted people to know you, to feel you, and to understand that you were larger than life.  I wanted them to feel your love, and the love I had for you.  I hope I was successful, for you deserved nothing less.

You simply could not be contained in your mortal body any longer, but I will look for your spirit, in every thing I do.  In every choice I make, I will remember you.

You gave me a poem, through a friend, and I will read it, every day, because it's from you.  These are words I know you would say to me now, if you were still here, and had a voice with which to convey them to me...

I see your heart,
and I show you mine.

Mine is whole, wise, in need of nothing,
yours is growing, learning, breaking.

Take what you need from my heart,
for I came to give it all to you.

I did everything I knew how to do to save you, my beautiful boy.  I know that you know that.  If love could have healed you, you would be at my side now.  I love you so...I always will, and I can only say "thank you", because of you, my life was fuller, richer...'larger'.  Fly with those who have gone before you.  Show them how to live with love, always, because it's what you did best.

Good night, my love...